Remember Where You're From...

(Taken from this week's church newsletter)

I’ve been at Altadena Baptist for almost 30 years now, but I haven’t been a card-carrying Baptist for my entire life. When my parents immigrated to the States from the Philippines in the late 1960’s, their only church experience was that of the Catholic Church (like all good Filipinos). I was never confirmed in the Church, but I still have strong memories of attending Mass and experiencing the care and compassion of various priests and nuns at some of the Catholic schools I attended in primary school.

It was in 1979 when my father and I were first introduced to Altadena Baptist Church. I remember my dad talking about how it was a major adjustment getting used to an entirely different way of worshiping on a Sunday morning. All he had learned about corporate worship had been shaped by over 40 years of being a Catholic, and it took him quite a while to adjust to what he considered “acceptable” church behavior. The hymns, prayers, and sermon styles at ABC were a far cry from the liturgies and homilies he was used to. (I even have a faint memory of one of our first communion experiences at ABC, with my dad awkwardly holding the cup of juice and having no idea what to do.) However, in the final years of his life, though he wasn’t able to attend our church regularly due to issues of health and transportation, he considered ABC his church home—the place where he felt most comfortable spending time with God on a Sunday morning, and the place where he felt truly accepted by a body of believers, regardless of past mistakes or personal shortcomings.

We talk often about the ethnic and cultural diversity that makes up our congregation at ABC, but we should also remember that the members of our congregation come from a wide range of denominational experiences. We have had Presbyterians and Pentecostals, Anglicans and Foursquares (Foursquarians?), Quakers and non-denominationals among our midst. People representing the three main branches of Christianity—Catholicism, Protestantism, and Orthodoxy—have descended upon our little church and made it their spiritual home of the years. Many of those individuals have selflessly set aside their former practices or ideas about church, the things that have made them feel “comfortable” in the past, in order to become an active part of our diverse community here at ABC. Even those who have been members of this church for several years have experienced a similar journey as our understanding of worship has grown and evolved over the past few decades.

Our rich denominational background continues to guide us in the Worship Department in our examination of how we best express ourselves corporately in worship. Of course, it’s impossible to acknowledge over one hundred different experiences of church life from Sunday to Sunday. But we continually try to be aware of the rich heritage of worship experiences among our church family, as well as listening to how God desires us to demonstrate His love and Gospel to future generations. It continues to be a work in process; something that mirrors the process that God’s Spirit works in each of our lives, always in continual transformation as we seek to live according to His will and His ways.

For our Palm Sunday service this coming Sunday, we will experience worship through a template unfamiliar to some of us—worship through a liturgy. A liturgy is a pre-determined set of readings and prayers found in denominations such as the Episcopal or Catholic church. This liturgy will be accented with other congregational activities that will express the sentiments of Holy Week, and will climax with the Celebration of the Lord’s Supper (done in the traditional “ABC” style). It is an amalgamation of age-old church tradition and contemporary expression. It will be a bit of a stretch for most of us, but will hopefully also be a good exercise of recognizing some of Christianity’s history (with a slightly post-modern spin). Most of all, it will allow us to focus on the solemn reality of the events leading up to Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. We invite you to visit with us this Sunday at Altadena Baptist, and we hope you would do so with open minds and open hearts as we thank God for His mercy and the repentance we receive from Him through his Son, Jesus Christ.

To Tell the Truth (a lesson in Grace, humility, and/or the lack thereof)

I hope seminary doesn't make me into a jerk.

My last post talked about my chance to attend a few different worship services last weekend. Well, the first one I went to was a place where several good friends attend. Before the service started, I was looking through the bulletin/handout, and read a statement that just didn't sound theologically sound--especially after having taken a course regarding the same topic last quarter. When two good friends came up to my wife and me to ask my opinion about the quotes in the flyer, I clearly barked out my disapproval regarding the aforementioned statement. After an awkward silence, one of my friends told me that the person who prepared the bulletin was well meaning, but didn't have the same theological training I was currently getting. I just shrugged my shoulders, and as the band started into the first song, both friends walked back to their seats.

It took my amazingly wise and perceptive wife to call me out later that evening, telling me that what I said wasn't really appropriate.

"But I'm right, aren't I?" I said in defense.

"Probably, but that certainly wasn't the right time or the right way to say what you said," she calmly answered.

I shrugged my shoulders again and tried to focus on the song being played by the band. But it sunk in during the next few minutes... even if I was correct about my observation about the bulletin,I had absolutely no tact or grace in how I spoke to my friends, my sisters in Christ.

Perhaps as God's way of putting an exclamation point on this whole lesson in humility, the person who likely was hurt the most by my words came up to me and actually tried to apologize for reacting badly to my comments. I told her that the only one who needed to apologize was me, and I did so. We even ended up having a great discussion about the topic in question, and any fractures caused by my actions were quickly repaired.

Being at Fuller has been a fantastic experience; my time in this program has exceeded all of my expectations. I often feel that my brain cannot possibly absorb all that I've learned about myself, my God, and the world I hope to minister to in the futre. But instances like last Friday night haven't been unique lately. I feel led to be able to utilize what I'm learning in seminary, but I haven't quite found the balance of how to communicate truth tactfully or lovingly. At least, not all the time. I pray for more and more Grace each day, comforted by the fact that God is willing to give it. The last thing I want to do is become one of the very things that frustrates me about much of modern Western Christianity--one who thinks that dispensing truth means railroading over a person's place in their own journey. Who wants to receive a Message from a self-righteous Messenger?

God, grant us all wisdom and Grace as we share the truth of Your Word and of Your Love. May people see You when they witness our actions and words.

PS... Lord, had I mentioned lately how AWESOME my wife is? Thank You for such a wise and caring partner who isn't afraid to speak honestly (yet compassionately). :-)

In the Same Boat

I had the opportunity to attend two other worship services besides my own this weekend. I spoke to the worship leader at the first church, and the director of media at the second. In both cases, there was dialog about the challenges and graces involved with watching volunteers coming and going over the course of time. Though both churches were extremely different than my own (the first being a small niche service geared towards those in substance recovery, and the second being essentially a megachurch), it was a comfort to hear that all of us in leadership positions deal with many of the same issues regarding getting team members to commit, to be consistent, etc. It was a good feeling to know that someone leading a church of thousands had something common with little ol' me and my itty bitty church on a corner in the foothills.

About five or six years ago, I toyed with the idea of trying to set up a network where local worship leaders could get together to allow time to unpack and process, to be themselves among others who understand the joys and pressures of leading a congregation. I never really got anything going with that (getting married does change your prioritites!), but recent events, along with my time at Fuller these past two years, is bringing the idea to the surface again. Lead pastors often have these kinds of networks, it seems that worship leaders should, too! Hmm, I'll have to let this simmer some more... any ideas out there?

Chapel Thoughts

This morning, I was part of the worship team for Chapel at Fuller. Here are some quick reflections...

1. For someone like me who serves in a leading capacity every week, it's nice once in a while to step back and be part of the team for a change. It was fun to stand a bit more in the background and just do as you're told. (All the joys of playing with little or none of the responsibility. Gotta love it.)

2. It's also fun to stretch yourself from time to time and get out of your comfort zone. I played bass guitar, which I seldom do but can fake my way through (yay for years of music theory!). It also helps me to appreciate the focus that bass players have. Even though it may be only one note at a time, there's a lot of concentration that goes into that instrument.

3. When playing bass guitar, be sure to know exactly where your cord is, so as not to step on it (and subsequently disconnect said bass guitar) in the middle of an upbeat song. For those of you who have seen me nearly fall off of the stage when directing choir, this is basically the instrumental version of that. I started getting into an upbeat song, and then wondered why the sound from the bass suddenly dropped out...

Just about everyone that was participating in this small group (about 5-6 of us) are or were worship leaders, so there was a nice chemistry going, as well as a very professional atmosphere. I even learned a new term this week that will come in handy for my own rehearsals at church!

These are the kinds of experiences that drew me to enroll at Fuller--opportunities to connect, serve and learn simultaneously. Though I'm quite stressed out this week (last week of the quarter) and overwhelmed with tasks, this morning was a good break from the madness and a chance to bask in the renewal and joy that comes from offering praise to God.

Quiet Time, the Ironic Psalm, and the Peacock

I'm taking a class this quarter at Fuller which examines the spirituality of Christian author Henri Nouwen. One of the assignments for this class was to engage in an individual half-day spiritual retreat. I decided to take advantage of one of our local botanical wonders: the Los Angeles County Arboretum. (It's a fantastic place, and not JUST because it's the location of the Fantasy Island House.)

One of the surprising lessons I learned from this assignment did not occur during my actual time during the retreat, but the days and hours leading up to it. Although my schedule for this quarter is more open than other quarters, I had the hardest time committing to a particular day to have my retreat. Even when the morning that I had finally chosen had come, I found myself making excuses and creating reasons why I should postpone yet again. When I finally got around to leaving the house to drive to the Arboretum, I spent some time in the car trying to analyze the reason for wanting to continually put this assignment off. I came to the conclusion that it was connected to a general struggle I’ve had for several months, where I have had little discipline in spending quality time alone with God. My personal devotional life and prayer life has been pretty lousy as of late, and I think that part of me was terrified of the idea of an entire morning committed to meditation and prayer!

As I pulled into the parking lot at the Arboretum, I began feeling very convicted and even guilty. It was then that the thought—or more likely, the Spirit—came to me: “Behold, I make all things new.” It seemed to go hand in hand with so much of what I’ve learned about Henri Nouwen this quarter: although fully engaged in ministry, he was also fully aware of his failings and brokenness. I sat in the car for several minutes, praying that God would give me the focus and courage to make the best of this morning, and guilt was soon replaced with hope.

Once I entered the Arboretum, I found a quiet area next to a stream and sat on a bench, where I spent most of the morning. At one point, I decided to open my Bible to a random passage, and found Psalm 106, which told of God’s love towards the Israelites; despite their continual failings and disregard for God, He ultimately continued to listen to their cries for help. (How appropriate!) I then spent time considering the journey God has taken me in the last three or four years in particular, as my ministry at church has grown in responsibility, as well as my time in seminary since the fall of 2005. I also took some pictures of the beautiful scenery around my bench, marveling at God’s creation and spending time in personal worship and praise.

I finished the morning doing some praying for guidance and strength of commitment as I slowly walked the grounds of the Arboretum. As I was finishing my silent prayer, one of the many peacocks that inhabit the area approached me. Just as I walked passed it, I turned to see that it had unfurled its feathers to display its legendary beauty. For me, it was an unexpected parable of how God knows us so well and reveals Himself not only in His time, but also at times when we are best receptive to the particular message He has for us. On this day, I was a better listener to hear about how God forgives and continues to desire to show Himself to us. I thank the peacock for being the means to realize such a great truth about our great God.

Waiting

The following reading is from a emerging movement called Vaux, from the United Kingdom. It's really an Advent reading, but it still sounds good in the middle of March (or anytime, for that matter). I'm hoping they wouldn't have minded my reprinting it here...

WAITING (Vaux, London, 1998)

As Sarah waited…
40 years for a son to fulfill God’s promise
We wait in hope for what we thought had been promised to us

As Moses waited…
40 years in the desert being prepared by God to lead his people
We wait for emptiness and humility; for bravado to wither

As Israel waited…
40 years in the desert, hungry, depressed, thirsting, unsure
We wait for things to move on and generations to pass

As the prophets waited…
1000 years of promises that God would raise up a Savior
We wait for things to change

As Mary waited…
9 months of her 14 years for the child of God
We feel the birth pangs yet fear for the child

As John the Baptist waited…
Scanning the crowds for the one whose sandals he would not be worthy to untie
We long for an experience of the Divine

As Jesus waited…
30 years of creeping time
40 days in the desert of temptation
3 years in the midst of misunderstanding
3 days in the depths of hell

So we wait for God’s time
Preparing the way

Our turn to toil on leveling mountains and straightening paths

Our turn to watch the time horizon

Our turn to pass on the hope—
the one who promised is faithful
and will come back

**********************
(Vaux was an Emerging Church movement of artists and individuals from south London. In 1998, they began meeting together on a monthly basis with the intention of expressing their Christian faith through the use of various media and other artistic expressions. Vaux disbanded in 2005 as its various members went forth to help enrich other faith communities throughout the United Kingdom and the world. For more about Vaux, go to www.vaux.net)

The Answer Is...

(Originally written Summer 2005)

This morning, I found myself driving to the Sony Studios lot in Culver City, California to try out for the "Jeopardy!" syndicated game show.

Okay, I just read that last sentence and had a good laugh at myself. I really don't know what possessed me to try (besides the obvious prospect of telling my wife Shanti to pack her bags for a summer trip to see the beautiful sights of South Africa). However, something within me thought that years of yelling at the television set with correct answers qualified me as a viable contestant during the real thing. So I called the studios and set up an appointment for an audition date. Along with perhaps a hundred others, I sat in the dimmed soundstage where the show is taped and took a fifty question test of general knowledge questions, which had me feeling quite humiliated (not to mention dizzy) at the end of the experience. I remembered that Jennifer Garner was the star of "Alias" and "Daredevil", and I knew that Bogotá was the capital of Columbia, but I couldn't remember what measurement of energy started with the letter J, and certainly couldn't remember what vice‑president was charged with treason in the early 1800s. The diversity of categories was mind‑numbing, jumping back and forth from "French Artists" to "Hollywood Celebrities", from "19th Century Authors" to "R & B Legends", etc. The questions had my brain bouncing around faster than the sale of hot links during a fundraiser for Family Camp.

This evening, as "Jeopardy!" was blaring in the background, I found myself on the computer, planning and preparing for an upcoming Sunday worship service (one of my main responsibilities as my church's Director of Worship). Somewhere in the process of choosing songs and e‑mailing the church office, I began reflecting on a different kind of diversity: the diversity found within our corporate worship experience at Altadena Baptist. Everyone within our church and most who are familiar with our church are well aware of our ethnic and social diversity. Over the years, it has been one of our strongest assets, as well as one of our biggest challenges. Just as I heard the electronic fanfare of the "Daily Double" ringing in the background, I considered how our worship services were a reflection of that same diversity. The way I see it, our diversity in corporate worship has revealed itself, especially over the last decade, in three ways:

1) We demonstrate worship diversity in practice. The denominational backgrounds that our congregation come from are wide and varied, including Presbyterians, Catholics, Pentecostals, Salvationists, Quakers, and, yes, even Baptists. On any given Sunday, someone may come up to me after the service and express thanks for introducing a new song sung during worship (such as "King of Glory", a modern worship song written in the year 2000). Another person may be grateful that we included "Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee" (based on the original Beethoven chorus from his Ninth Symphony) as a congregational hymn, perhaps on the same day. One individual might be thankful for Amanda's beautiful sonata played on the oboe; another was really moved by Rob's "killer timbales solo". Organ, piano… bass guitar, harp… raising hands, kneeling down… sitting in quiet mediation, clapping enthusiastically… you get the idea. Although it is true that our music leans slightly towards the "contemporary" end of things, we never want to forget or ignore the rich resource of traditions and experiences represented within our congregation.

2) We demonstrate worship diversity in progress. We didn't get to this point all at once, to be sure. This evolution began almost a decade before I became a staff member of the church, as our church leaders sought to explore how to expand our thinking about how we view and execute our corporate worship. There were many different points of view (and more than a few disagreements) along the way, which is a natural occurrence when people sense the winds of change in the air. During the past few decades, scores of churches have split or dissolved in the face of such changes. But for the most part, our congregation stuck together where others might have fled. Instead of feeling the need to choose one or the other, we decided to listen to each other and be patient with each other, and God continues to bless us (despite ourselves!). Even recently we have shown how we are still "in progress", as we stretch ourselves yet again to embrace musical styles such as gospel and songs in Spanish and other languages.

3) We demonstrate worship diversity imperfectly. That sounds like bad news, but it simply means this: before we think we've got it all figured out at Altadena Baptist and we think we're the best thing since sliced bread, we need to think again. At the end of the day, we're still the same, imperfect, flawed humans we were at the beginning of the day. To me, it's actually a relief and a huge reason to praise God. He accepts us in spite of ourselves. In reality, the type of musical genre, the amount of liturgy or spontaneity, dunking or sprinkling (or neither)… all of this is secondary to the authenticity of our worship. Which, you must remember, will always be slightly clouded because of our own self‑interests and our natural tendency to mess up. But God, full of grace and mercy, accepts us and loves us unconditionally. It doesn't relieve us from the responsibility to offer Him our best; He deserves our best, and much more. But He understands that we're still figuring things out down here, including how we come together to worship Him as a church body.

By the way, I didn't pass the qualifying test to be on the show. But as I took the long walk from Soundstage 10 to the studio parking structure, I didn't feel embarrassed or ashamed that I wasn't going to be meeting Alex Trebek or getting the chance to say "I'll take Armenian Folk Dances for $2000". The experience of going to the audition was fun, exciting, and enriching. I came away appreciating the detailed process the producers undergo in developing several hundred shows each year. By the same token, it is not the shape or size or volume of our corporate worship that matters as much as our motives and our authenticity, while we acknowledge our God together in song, in prayer, and in fellowship.