All By Myself

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to lead worship on a Sunday morning on my own. Just me, myself and I. No other vocalists, no guitars or drums, not even the comfort of a steady set of bongos. Just me and the piano for the entire service.

Initially, I knew that the Sunday in question was a week where many members of the worship team were going to be unavailable (out of town or otherwise committed to something else) that day. If I wanted to, I could have conjured up a person or two to help me out. But as I began planning the order of service for that Sunday, I decided that I would keep the schedule as it was and try it out by myself for a change. I've had the opportunity to stretch myself as a worship leader in the last year by experimenting with different formats (like that quasi-liturgy we did for Palm Sunday, which went very well, by the way) and different set-ups than the same ol' thing every week. Here was another chance to try something new.

Now, having said that, I have to admit that I don't really like leading all by myself. Of course, I did it for several years when I led chapel services at a Christian elementary school, but that was a very different audience with a different set of songs (mostly upbeat, "happy-clappy" stuff). But despite having grown up in the midst of my congregation and knowing them fairly well, it was still nervewracking. One of the beautiful things about being a piano player--and leading from the piano--is that there's a level of comfort and protection that you feel, sitting behind a large, black, blocky instrument several hundred pounds in weight. Feeling more confident as a pianist than a vocalist, it's easy to "hide" behind the keyboard while playing. Even though I'm the lead vocalist in leading worship, other vocalists singing helps me not feel so... well, exposed.

Fears aside, I went ahead and led by myself on the Sunday in question. And it went well, by most accounts. And the nerves disappeared, for the most part. (Of course, being the one who also picks the songs, it was easy to compensate by choosing songs that I felt strongest as singer and pianist.) I'm fine if the opportunity doesn't come around again for a loooong time, but I'm grateful for the chance I had to step up.